I have three half brothers, one full brother, three half sisters, and three step-sisters. I grew up in Southeast Texas living with my paternal grandmother, three of my brothers, and my horses. A very religious woman my grandmother took us to church every Wednesday night and Sunday morning. She died in June of 1986 a severe stroke. My father who had a house on the same property took over from there. He wasn't the best dad in the world but he was still my dad and I loved him as only a child can unconditionally. He spent a lot of time away from home on business trips of one sort or the other. Quite a few times he would pick up hitch-hikers and bring them home to baby-sit us while he was off doing whatever it was he did. I never did figure out exactly what that was but I've had my suspicions since. Sometimes he would take in run away teenagers and they served as baby-sitters. This lasted for about 11 months as in May of 1987 he was killed in a car accident. From there I lived with my uncle and his new wife. Still had my horses and was happy as long as I was outside riding and not in the house. My new cousin and I didn't get along very well and her mother wasn't happy about having four more kids in the house. In June of 1988 after searching since the day that we moved my aunt finally located my mother and three days later my older brother and I were on a plane to Illinois. My two little brothers I had to leave behind as we had different mothers. I saw my mother once when I was three and my dad brought me to Illinois to see her. I was now 12 and hadn't seen or heard from her since.
I was lost at this point. Suddenly I had nothing, no friends, no more horses, nothing familiar. Upon arriving I find I have inherited a half sister I didn't even know I had, a step father who was a drunk and a pervert, and of course the mother that I had hated on principle all of my life. This lasted for about a year as my mom and step father headed for divorce court a year later. Mom sold the house and felt the need to live it up for awhile I suppose. For two years we bounced around staying in a cheap motel or with whoever she was dating at the time. At 15 I decided that I was done, my brother had long since been kicked out by one of my mom's boyfriends, I was tired of trying to raise my little sister who was 10 at the time. I ran away. When I was 15 getting a fake ID was easy, and believe me I'm glad it was. It made getting a legitimate job a lot easier. I was gone for six months. In those six months I learned more about life than I ever wanted to learn or thought was possible. I decided to come back, live with a friend, and go back to school. My little sister was picked up by the police at 3am for a curfew violation and when they couldn't find my mom they called DCFS (Dept of Children and Family Services). They came and got me at my friends house after school the next day and placed us both in Foster Care. My foster mother is one of the best people I've ever met in my life. She did a lot for me and I still go visit her every couple of months to see how she is doing.
At 16 I met my oldest son's dad, rebellious teen meets bad boy, a concept that didn't go over real well. I didn't take advice real well at that age and continued to do what I wanted to do. When I turned 18 I moved out of my foster mom's house and in with my boyfriend. Well technically he was in jail at the time and I took over his apartment until he got out. I dropped out of school so I could get a full time job to support myself. Less than a year later I was pregnant and thus began my real life of Hell. Everything else that I had been through seemed a piece of cake. December 17,1995 a little after 7pm is a time I will never in my life forget. My trip to the emergency room because I had a broken jaw in three places. It was a very painful way to end an evening. I stayed for another six months until I could find a way out. I'd been cheated on, walked on, kicked, punched, and strangled all in the name of love and believe me it wasn't worth it. When I did I walked out all I had was the clothes on my back, my son, a small diaper bag and my dog. No car, no money, no job, and no life I started over on the oath that never again would anyone touch me in anger.
When I was 23 I met my two youngest son's dad. I was with him for 5 years. It wasn't a very good relationship even at the beginning. He was never physically abusive we just argued a lot usually because he drank way too much. Low and behold though I ended up pregnant again. I stuck around trying to make it work out but basically was just dragging out a situation that was only getting worse. Then I got pregnant again and again tried to make it work. When my youngest son was a year old his dad got mad at me one night and pushed me. Not hard, he didn't hurt me in anyway but I remembered the promise that I had made to myself. Never again in anger would anyone touch me no matter who they were. I kicked him out the next day.
All of these things hurt me in more ways than one. All of them have shaped me into the adult that I am because I chose to change the way that I was living and the way that I make my decisions. I've worked hard to be where I am today and who I am. I've learned from the things that I went through. I've learned to forgive but never forget. I've learned that I am emotionally strong and capable of surviving. I've learned that I make my own choices in life. To think before I act. To step outside the box and see how I do things affect the people in my life. Now I live with my three boys, two dogs, and my boyfriend who I love very much and who treats me with dignity and respect. I refuse to judge others and I treat people the way I want to be treated. I don't go off of first impressions because I've learned that looks can be very deceiving. I'm honest and do my absolute best not to hurt others. This is only the beginnings of who I am and what has made me the way that I am. Thanks to a friend who constantly told me, "all you have to do is find the solution and figure out how to get there, you can do it make the decision and get to it." Well, that wasn't all she said but that's the gist of it, I've gotten my GED and here I am back in school and now making the changes to grow into who I want to be.