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There is not a single woman out there on Earth who can complain about this page.. we all know it's true. No matter how outspoken, we all do this. I'm a woman and I can admit it and so you should be able to admit it too. NO - What part of that do you not understand? The 'N' or the 'O'? MAYBE - maybe means no, we just want you to think we are thinking about your request when in reality we mean no and we've forgotten about the issue until you bring it up again. At that time we will inform you that we said no, only to have you argue that we said maybe, which really meant no in the first place. OK FINE - It reallly isn't fine. We are just tired of arguing with you. If you take this at face value you will end up in serious trouble. When you point out that we said it was fine we are just going to tell you it wasn't fine and you should have known that. HONEY, WHAT'S TODAY - this is a trick question and can go one of two ways. Either A) we really want to know what the date is or B) you've forgotten a major date. The best bet is to pretend that you have no clue what the date actually is. If it turns out you've missed a major date, pretend you're a week behind ie: if it's the 15th pretend you thought it was the 8th. WE NEED - This really means "I want ___ and you need to get ___" Whenever a woman says 'we need blah blah blah' pay attention otherwise you will be in deep shit later because you didn't get what we want. ITS YOUR DECISION - This means that the correct decision should be totally obvious by now and if you make the wrong decision shit is going to hit the fan and it will land directly on your head. DO WHAT YOU WANT - this is one you don't want a woman to say to you EVER. Do what you want translates to "go ahead, do it, I'll make you'll pay for it later" SURE GO AHEAD - refer to "DO WHAT YOU WANT" basically means the same thing. I'M NOT UPSET - Of course we're upset and somehow, someway, it's all you're fault. If your smart you will have a stash of trinkets and gifts to give us when this happens. YOU'RE SO MANLY - Please go shower and shave, we can't stand you anymore...ack I'M NOT EMOTIONAL - If said when yelling loudly it means "I got my period and you just pissed me off" if said while crying.. well it's all your fault and it's a good time to go to your stash of trinkets and gifts. HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME - We've done something really stupid that you definitely aren't going to like, and it's going to cost you lots and lots of $money$ to fix. If you yell at us for this transgression we will get upset and tell you we're not emotional. DO YOU LOVE ME - We're going to ask for something expensive or we want you to do something that isn't very manly like buy tampons. In this case saying "what do you want" is a bad idea because most likely we're not being emotional at this time. I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE - you might as well shut the car off, turn the T.V. back on and find a good game to watch.. it'll be awhile. DOES THIS OUTFIT MAKE MY ASS LOOK BIG - Wrong answer would be "honey it's not the outfit" There really isn't a right answer to this question. Try going with 'your ass isn't fat honey nothing you put on could possibley make it look fat' That might work. In reality we probably just haven't had a fight in awhile and we are waiting for you to give us the wrong answer. Again the stash is a good idea. ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME - too late.. you're already dead you just don't know it yet. I'M SORRY - we are never really sorry... that just means that we will make you sorry later. NO PIZZA'S SOUNDS FINE - you're a cheap bastard. Women do not want to go out for pizza. I REALLY DON'T MIND WHAT WE EAT - as long as it's what I wanted in the first place. I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO - we can't believe you don't have anything planned yet. You being the cheap bastard that you are will probably take us out for pizza. FIVE MINUTES - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade. I'M HEADING FOR BED, YOU DON'T HAVE TO COME TO BED IF YOU DON'T WANT TO - Bullshit, this really means I'm going to bed and you should have your ass there in 5 minutes rubbing my back until I fall asleep or allow you to stop which ever comes first. The backrub does NOT preclude sex. THANKS - The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say, "You're welcome. THANKS A LOT - Thanks A Lot is dramatically different from Thanks. A woman will say Thanks A Lot when she is really ticked off at you. |
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You men love to ask us what's wrong.. so on that note when you get answers and don't know what they mean... here you go.. a list just for the "WHAT'S WRONG" question. THE SAME OLD THING - Nothing is really wrong. We are just comtemplating what we want to eat. This is a good time to escape to the jewelry store to replenish your stash of trinkets and gifts. NOTHING - Everything is wrong from the color of our hair to the color of our bedroom carpet. You name it, it's wrong. EVERYTHING - We've got PMS. Be very very careful at this point. NOTHING REALLY - you're just a total inconsiderate bastard. I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW - Go away, we are still digging up the hard evidence against you. Covering your tracks would be a good idea about now. This is also a good time to raid that stash you've recently replenished and come up with something good. You will need it. YOU NEVER LISTEN - this is the only thing that we say that we actually mean. YOU NEVER LISTEN!!!! |